Text: Why the brush turkey is black

This is an old adoriginal tale.

Brush turkeys condescend to live with us, here at the Closeburn Signal Station. They are tolerant of our incurable fixation with putting things up on other things. They merely put them back on the floor. They are kind-hearted and into the liberation of all things, particularly clay molecules, so they do not allow them to remain caged in such things as teacups. They believe that potential energy should never be wasted, so down go all the mugs and plates also.

They have patiently told us, many times, about the Great Sky Turkey, who lives beyond infinity and who, with a single kick, launched the Big Bang. They are amused at our own hairyman sky god and explain that it should by now be blindingly obvious even to us, that the GST does not give a rats about monkeys, since he is too busy kicking other universes into being . He cannot even remember who the brush turkeys are, never mind care about them.

Brush turkeys know they are on their own from hatchday. They make their own mounds. You wlll not see one of them sidle up to the neighbor and expect him to work all day kicking bunya fronds for a warm beer. They would paddle their own canoes too, if that was a sensible way to collect leaves and bunya fronds, but it isn't so they don't waste their time. They do not trade their ancestral scratching lands on share markets, and they do not sulk. If you chase one away, unlike something so pathetic as a chook, it will stop when you do, and then run straight back to where it was when you stated the chasing. There is no standing about with ruffled feathers looking grieved. As we all like kicking things, it should be our national bird.

The turkeys once also had plan to change the climate. They decided to kick all the leaves in the world into the sea. They started systematical, with one team in the north, and one in Antarctica. The northerners kicked everything growing, as far down as the Alps and beyond the Great Lakes, into the sea. It was going well.

The southerners were even more enthusiastic. They kicked every living thing off Antarctica, including the polar bears, which is why, to this day you will not see a bear down there. But that was a mistake, because the polar bears were in charge of stopping the magnetic poles from flipping themselves upside down. The bears all now work in the Australia zoo, and do a little modeling on the side, for grog ads. The poles are frivolous little things, and will flip at the least opportunity. What happened is, with Bundy gone to work for Bindy, the south mag pole flipped completely, and there was then nothing the bears in the north could do. Their pole got too excited to be restrained, so it also flipped. The solar.wind, an even worse gadabout if ever there was one, got totally confused (as usual). It panicked and dived down every hole it could find in wht was left of the magnetosphere. The ice, of course, came straight back in the south with a vengeance. The turkeys sighed and set to again. They had just finished kicking it all off the edge of the ice shelf again, all 4,000 metres of it, when the pole flipped again. This time the trouble started in the north. Al Gore surfaced in his nuclear sub right under th pole and it fell into the water and was lost. The northern crew was at smoko, and didn’t see it coming, but still, it was a slack effort. The disgruntled southerners threw in the towel and also went for smoko.

That, by the way, is why all brush turkeys keep their tails vertical and keep them up. It was to avoid getting them burnt in the solar wind, or having them bitten off by irate penguins. You can’t make everybody happy. They wear black work overalls, so they can see each other in the whiteouts.

The two auroras, north and south, are the two mobs forgotten gas rings. They left their billies on them after smoko, when both mobs mooched, slightly fed up, back to Cedar Creek here. When the GST asked what happened, they said that the working conditions were unacceptable, and that it was a greenhouse down there. As every turkey knows.

Signalman Second Class Jones
Closeburn Signal Station May 2009 Public domain. .


Derived from

Brush turkey sacred texts

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